Customer: Waiter; theres a dead beetle in my soup. Waiter: Yes sir; dont worry then; anyway they are not very good swimmers.
Throw away your problems and smile because this is the only life you have got and your problems wont matter when you are dead.
Heights of addiction: Just before hanging; judge asked the prisoner Any last wish? Prisoner: Yes; I want to update my FACEBOOK status as DEAD!
One day JACKs radio was not working. He opened the radio and found a dead cockroach. JACK: oh my God the SINGER is dead!
After a death of one man; a friends asked to the dead mans wife: Can I take his place? Wife: I have no objection; but please ask cemetery people.
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring. By Oscar Wilde
Failure should be our teacher; not our undertaker. Failure is delay; not defeat. It is a temporary detour; not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing; doing nothing; and being nothing. By Denis Waitley