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Funniest blonde jokes

The interviewer asks the blonde:-
Interviewer: “You were born in?”
She replies, “ Australia.”
He asks her, “Which part?”
She replies, “All of me of course.”


Q: Why did the blonde give up on using her calculator and throw it away?
A: Because it didn’t have a 10 button.


A blonde phoned police
to report that thieves had been in her car.”They’ve stolen the dashboard,
the steering wheel,
the brake pedal,
even the accelerator,”
she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start,
the phone rang a second time
and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake.”


A blonde guy was sitting in a bar
when he spots a very pretty young woman. He
advances towards her when the bartender says to him,
“Don’t waste your time on that one.
She’s a lesbian.”
The blonde goes over to her anyway and says,
“So which part of Lesbia are you from?”


NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap


A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money.
The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money.

She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God,
and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps.

The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money.
She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God,
and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.

The blonde throws up her money, and yells,
“God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don’t I get to keep.”


Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?

A: They open on impact.


A blonde was down on her luck.

In order to raise some money,
she decided to kidnap
a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,
told him, “Ive kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “
Ive kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag
and put it under the pecan tree
next to the slide on the north side of the playground.
Signed, A Blonde.”

The blonde pinned the note to the kids shirt and sent him home to show it to
his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough,
a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The blonde opened up the bag
and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “
How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”


A blonde decides to try horseback riding,
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted
and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace,
but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane,
but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck,
but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along,
seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip,
she leaps away from the horse
to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately,
her foot has become entangled in the stirrup
and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves
as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness
when to her great fortune..

..the Wal-Mart manager runs out
and unplugs the horse.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money,
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type
and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner
if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch.
How much will you charge?”

The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed
and told her that the paint and ladders
that she might need were in the garage.

The man’s wife,
inside the house,
heard the conversation
and said to her husband,
“Does she realize that the porch
goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied,
“She should.
She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later,
the blonde came to the door
to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “
and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats.

Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“And by the way,”
the blonde added,
“that’s not a Porch,
it’s a Ferrari.”