Funny Jokes in English for WhatsApp

Funny Jokes in English for Whatsapp Status

Girl and Boy Funny joke
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

One line funny joke
What is dangerous? – Sneezing when you’re having diarrhea!

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course. Funny Joke for whatsapp

Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!

When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah! When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah!
When you don’t breathe, you expire!

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

TIPS how to save 10 paisa per day.
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Isme bhi interested ho..? Kasamm se yaar..
Kaha le jaoge itna bachakar…

Bikini Bikini ke chakkar me Company to bikni hi the yaar(Mallya)

ATM se jaakar aao to aas-pados vaale Shole ke gabbar singh kee tarah poochhate hain, “kitane aadamee the?”

Sardar: In my dreams Rats play Football every night !
Doctor: Take this tablet you will be ok….
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is Final Match

Yahoooooo…….!
Exams ki saari taiyaari ho gayi
Pen
Pencil
Scale
Eraser
Sab Taiyyar hai
BUS AB..
Padhna baki hai …:

Husband : Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Faayada Hua.
Wife :kaun Sa Faayada?
Husband : Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gai

Girls like:
Ladka Samjhdar Hona Chahiye, Pagal Main Khud Kar Dungi!

More Funny Jokes in English in Jokes SMS Share on social platforms

Hi guys.
I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you!!!
Today I saw myself on TV

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when I turned it off.

Santa: Thinking….thinking…
Banta: kya soch rahe ho yaar?
Santa: ye aajtak walo ko kaise pata chalta hai?
Banta: kya?
Santa: yehi ke, ‘aap dekh rahe hai aajtak’

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Women wont play football not coz they aren’t good at it.
But coz it is against their ego to b dressed up exactly like 10 other women in
front of 10,000 people

bosses is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.

A VERY FUNNY QUOTE:
“Come like a Racer,
Sit like a Yogi &
Go like a King..!
This slogan was written on a
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TOILET DOOR..!!

Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”   Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”

In every love story, a girl supports her brother,
But a brother never supports his sister.
Because the sister knows what love is and brother knows what boys are.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Mobile Smartphone aane se ek achchha kaam to hua.
jab insaan Free hota hai to Mobile chala leta hai.
pahale to naak mein oongali daal-daal kar, naak ki aisi-taisi kar deta hai.

Woman to her husband while at it: “Please say dirty things to me!”   Man: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room…”

Girl: We have been together for 5 years. Aage Ka Kya Plan Hai?
Boy: Bas Ab Koi Achhi Si Ladki Dekh Kar Shaadi Kar Lunga!

How to Kill a mosquito:
Catch it alive,
Tie its legs
then make gudgudi in its stomach
and when it laughs
,Catch its mouth
& pour a spoon of Poison ….

Santa samose wale se: oye tumhare samose me se ladki ka baal nikla hai
Somosa wala: Are 5 rupye me puri ladki niklagi kaya ??

A boy was trying 2 propose a girl
finally he proposed in unique way;
“kya tum apni chita ko aag lagane ka adhikar
Mere Bete ko Dogi.??”

1 bikhari Mandir ke samne katora lekar betha
use kuch nahi mila
bikhari Mashid ke samne betha
Use kuch nahi mila
bikhari Church ke samne betha
Use kuch nahi mila
Phir wo Wine Shop ke samne betha
uska katora rupyo se bhar gaya
bikhari ne kaha kaya Bhagwan
rahte kahe aur ho aur Address
kahi aur ka dete ho…

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

2 paagal chhat par so rahe the
Achanak barish hone lagi..
Pehla paagal bola-
“Chal neeche ghar me chalte hai..
Aasman me chhed ho gaya hai”
Etne me bijli kadki..
Doosra paagal bola-
chal so ja yaar lagta hai welding waale bhi aagaye hai

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

Arz Kiya Hai?…
Wo Aaye Hamare Kabar Per Diya Bujha Gaye,
Wo Aaye Hamare Kabar Per Diya Bujha Gaye,
Aur Diye Me Jo Tel Tha Sir Pe Laga Gaye

A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind.
I’ve been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.

aajkal to bachchon ko itane saare Number milate hain,
98.4, 99.4, 99.5, 100!
mujhe to bas aisa sirf Fever hi aata tha.

Kabhi Socha Hai K Garam Tave Pe PopCorns Kyu Uchhalte Hai?
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???
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Nahi Pata Na
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Kabhi Khud Baithna,
Pata Chal Jayega……………………..140 character funny sms

Hindi Teacher to Santa: Tumhare papa ka kya naam hai?
Santa: Google Singh
Teacher: Yeh kaisa naam hai?
Santa: Mein jahan bi jata hun, wo mujhe dhoond hi lete hain.

Mobile is like women:-
Talks non-stop,
Costs a fortune,
Disturbs when your busy And when U need them urgently,
they have no service.

Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Mehfil me hamari chappal kho gayi to hum ghar kaise jayenge?

To hamane kaha-

Ap shayari to shuru kijiye, itne ayenge ki aap gin nahi payenge….

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?
An American.

Tom : Dekh teri biwi ko saap kat rha hai …

Jerry : Chinta mat kr yaar, saap ka zeher khatam ho gya hai, recharge krwane aya hoga…

Circus mein ladki ne sher ko kiss kiya to
Ring mastar ne kaha Aap mein se koi yeh kar sakta hai,
Santa- Zarur par pehle iss sher ko peeche hatao!

If a barber makes a mistake, it’s a new style
If a politician makes a mistake, it’s a new law
If a scientist makes a mistake, it’s a new invention
If a Taylor makes a mistake, it’s a new style
If a teacher makes a mistake, it’s a new theory
But, if a student makes a mistake, it’s a Mistake.

Boy to Gym Coach-
I Wanna Impress Cute Girl I’m Gonna Meet In 3 Days
Which Machine Should I Use?
Coach- Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym 😀

paani peetaa hoon pipe se Apple khataan hoon knife se Apni bhi kya life hain yaaron Jooten khataa hoon apni wife se!!!

Sales man:Khan saab naya powder aaya hai so Cockroaches k liye lelo. . . . Pathan:Na ji na Cockroaches ko itna bhi free nahi karna, Agar aaj powder lekar diya to kal Body Spray maangengy.

These are very Funny Jokes in English for WhatsApp